if i could just hold on...

Could I wish you there and then away?
I want you close,
and yet I want my solitude.
There is this grey area,
a place where there is everything.
You will, no doubt, ruin heaven.
Yet, I can't seem to leave you
without feeling like I am missing out.
Your pull is magnetic.
My head spins and lights on fire,
simply standing,
sitting,
breathing,
talking.
The pulse is unavoidable,
and my blood boils at the thought.
Pulled close and pushed away.
Wants and needs
and everything that is you and me.
Every minute that I look into your eyes
is another minute that I lose hope.
My heart stops and I remember it is futile.
Yet, there is something more.
Something less.
The irony of the two coinciding
pushes me to see another day.
Splitting in half I am drawn away
and pushed toward.
The night and day are fighting for my soul,
and I haven't decided who I want to win.
You will, undoubtedly.
I will be left to sulk,
and yet I will enjoy it in the end.
We could skip the hard part,
but then life would be miserable again.